Redemption Song
by Gage93
Summary: Post Immortality. Sara's POV. Companion piece to Reclamation. G/S


**Redemption Song**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not claim ownership over CSI, it's characters or anything affiliated. This is merely my indulgence; I am only borrowing.

 **Spoilers:** Everything? The finale: CSI Immortality, One to Go.

 **Redemption Song**

I was born again on the rock of a gentle ocean chop. The odd thing about it was that I never realized the part of me that had died until my reawakening. I knew I loved him, I had always loved him, but somehow I had lost the belief I had in that true, all encompassing love, even when I knew I could never love another, at least not with the same passion and innocence and completeness.

Insecurities borne of a childhood and adolescence such as mine have a way of creeping into adulthood. Love when I was a child had been accompanied by anger, misunderstanding, paranoia and the absence of anything pure. And it ended suddenly and violently. It did not set the example I wanted for my future. The example it set was to never trust in marriage. It was confusing, volatile and could end as quickly as it began.

My future changed with Gil. When I met Dr. Gil Grissom, phD, he was giving a lecture at a seminar, and though he was brilliant and passionate, it was not the lesson that stayed with me, so much as it was him. He infused in me a hope I had never had, a longing I could not fathom. He made me believe in something greater than myself. He showed me the potential, not only for myself, but the potential for everything. He showed me the potential for love.

I believed in us. I believed that he was the one person I could love without hesitation, absolutely, endlessly. When I was able to be with him, to realize that love, I thought that it would endure anything. Then I lost it, so suddenly. I lost it and I lost my balance. I lost my bearings. I lost that faith that had encompassed my life ever since I'd met him.

I think the primary reason I did not fight for my marriage was because I never believed that Gil ever loved me the way I've always loved him. I always knew that he was the love of my life. I never thought that I could be the love of his. In the back of my mind, I had always wondered if there was another he would have chosen, another who could have stolen his heart, or perhaps another who had, but to whom he hadn't been able to hang on. I wondered if I won him over because of my stubborn refusal to let him go. I wondered if I got him in the end only because I was the one with the patience to wear him down. I wondered if his leaving CSI had more to do with Warrick's death than his love for me. I wondered if I was merely safe anchor in his uncertain world after he left the one thing that was his life. It was not that I didn't trust Gil, or our love, but years of insecurities have a way of seeping in and unraveling all the confidence I'd fought to gain. It seemed so easy for him to walk away from our marriage. One phone call and it was over. My faith in love was sewn in him. A phone call tore at the threads of the fabric of our love and all those threads unravelled all of my faith. If Gil could walk away from our marriage and I could still go on, then true love was a myth.

The reclamation of our love began with a song, heard only at fifty-two Hertz. To understand it, I had to listen at a different frequency. I needed help for that. I needed him to explain his song to another person, and then another. I needed the innocence of youth to enable me to listen to that song. I needed to let go of the fear of what I thought I might hear, to hear the song that had been meant for me all along. And listening had been the reaffirmation of my faith. I needed to take that same leap of faith that I had taken when I first met him, that I'd taken when I first came to Las Vegas…that he'd taken when he left Las Vegas and found me in the rainforest of Costa Rica.

The cab pulls up to the pier and I hope that I'm not too late. I hope that his boat is still docked and that he hasn't sailed away doubting that I could still love him, doubting that I will ever be able to hear his song. When I step out and walk towards his boat, seeing that it is still there, I choose to take my time, to savour the moment and hold onto the fear I felt in the cab. If I hold onto this fear, I can face it, face my insecurities and put my trust back in the notion of us. I'm nervous, but this is the right choice. It may not be the safe choice, but it is the only choice I can make and not look back on with regret. This is the only choice that offers the potential for complete happiness.

It takes but a second for Grissom to offer me his hand. He holds me and I know that I have his love, his most tender affection and that I will have it for as long as he is alive. That belief in the all-encompassing love we share is reborn in that moment. Wrapped up in the warmth of intimacy that I could only ever share with him, I find that I do not want to let go. I am my greater self again, the potential for who I could be is realized. I love him. I will always love him. We can exist separately but we are only complete together. I pull him closer in my embrace, my hands unable to stop moving and tugging him even when he cannot get any closer. Tears in my eyes, I hold him and know that I will never let go again. The sea air fills my lungs and I can breathe again, in a way I never could in Las Vegas. Air without moisture is like life without love. It's incomplete. We are meant for the ocean. We are meant to breathe this salty air and feel the spray of the water kiss our skin. We are meant for the freedom to live in the moment and in moments that are only us. We are meant for love.

Ishmael cuts through the water as swiftly as the passage of time. I am on Gil's arm, my head resting against his shoulder. I am smiling and so is he. He is smiling and laughing softly beside me and steering us into the great beyond. Every so often, he glances at me with that tender, happy expression and I know that whatever the future may hold, it will hold our love. Ahead of us is a sunset, but we are not riding off into it. This is our sunrise.

Fin


End file.
